Let the Adults Speak

Dear #Drumpf –

You don’t know shit from Shinola when it comes to almost everything about anything. Luck and a good inheritance have been on your side for far too long because it sure as shit hasn’t been good looks, sweetie. So, here are a few tips for public speaking (my gift to you, muah!):

1. Get a grammar coach
2. Check out the book “30-Days to a more powerful vocabulary”
3. Stay the fuck on point, for GAWD’s sake
4. STOP snorting coke before your public appearances, or at the very least stop sniffling – I’d suggest Afrin; you’ll thank me later
5. If you really are a billionaire, could you PLEASE buy a suit that fits your fat ass? They do have custom tailoring options these days, you know.
6. Say after me, “Putin BAD”
7. Say after me, “Immigrants GOOD” – your mom was one, you #halfwit
8. Telling me repeatedly WHAT you will do #bigly, without telling me HOW shows you haven’t really thought this through (it also shows me you really need to refer to items #1 and #2)
9. If you knew thing one about women, you would know that we can see through your bullshit lies a mile away….but then again, maybe that’s why you’re so afraid of us (you tiny fingered, shit gibbon, you!)
10. Work with a historian and learn some shit about the Middle East, the Ancient Schism of the Shia and Sunnis, or how arbitrary borders drawn during WWI affected this, to understand the full story of ISIL (if I can learn this shit as an everyday citizen, why would we elect a dimwit who can’t 7understand this shit, but claims he wants to be the leader of the free nation in which I reside?)
11. Better yet, just STFU and let the adults speak

Hugs and kisses,