30 day countdown, 30 reasons not to be on Facebook….

Reason #1: This s**t is like crack – and you don’t keep giving an addict crack.

Reason #2: I have 4 emails, 2 blogs, 1 LinkedIn account and a phone. That is a sufficient amount of communication options for me to manage and for you to reach me.

Reason #3: Agreement #1 says “Be Impeccable With Your Word”

Reason #4: Facebook Faces Privacy Audit

Reason #5: I am not a brand, I do not need to market myself in hopes that you will “like” who I am.

Reason #6: Check out the study: Social Media is for Narcissists

Reason #7:  Mark Zuckerberg can suck it

Reason #8: I will have more time to read real “News Feeds”

Reason #9: If I see one more post or one more ad for some Yoga workshop, festival, training or event that will “change my life”, I am going to vomit gasoline and light it on fire.

Reason #10: My definition of a friend and FB’s definition are very different

Reason #11: In the average day, you leave at minimum 220 ways for someone to track you.  You do the same in every minute you spend on Facebook.  How is that for lack of privacy?!

Reason #12: My life is not for you to invade or stalk because you are bored with your own – and vice versa.

Reason #13: Reduce your anxiety level

Reason #14: Facebook is like jail, you sit around, waste time, write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know.

Reason #15: I will no longer feel compelled to burn my eyes out of skull after I read nonsensical posts like this: “I practiced yoga tonight. I was in the back of the room with no one in front of me, and the sun setting and the lights in the room hit just right, so that for the entire class I could make out the silhouette of my body but no details. The shape, but no hair or eyes or face or anything. It was amazing to see my whole self, but also not see anything of me. For once I saw my true person, with no possibility of picking apart all the pieces.” (Please, for the love of GAWD, just stop the madness)

Reason #16: Facebook is NOT the only way for us to communicate with each other, stop it already.

Reason #17: Why do I bother posting shit anyway?  It isn’t like anyone reads it.  In fact if you are all like me, most of you have hidden my posts anyway

Reason #18:  Facebook is an inappropriate medium for announcing amazing, life-changing news like you got married, pregnant, had a baby (and stop posting your post-baby I am in the hospital and look like hell pics, please), got fired, got broken up with, or are in a relationship, etc.  These are the kinds of things you TELL your friends while you are screaming at the top of your lungs with excitement or wailing in angst while jumping up and down either while on the phone or visiting them IN PERSON.

Reason #19:  If you have something funny to say to your friends, why do you not tell the friend who is sitting next to you instead of thinking “oh, I need to post that on Facebook!”  Had a guy come over and sit next to me the other day because his friend was too busy on Twitter (the other devil) to actually talk to a person RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!  WTF?!

Reason #20:  I do not want to be one of those assholes who walks around staring at their phone in order to post something on a dipwad website.  Although, I do enjoy pointing and laughing at those people when they run into walls (which I have witnessed quite often)

Reason #21: I dated a dude once who is CREEPY – you all know him (some of you actually still like him..ew). I have to say that I after that whole FUBAR, I am just not okay with creeps.  Now if I don’t want to date a slim bucket, shit bag cheater, why would I allow an entire company full of creeps to invade my WHOLE private life?

Reason #22: The website design is intended for people with an IQ of about 50. If yours is higher, then you are overqualified to access the site.

Reason #23: I have always lived life refusing to be a part of a herd.

Reason #24: A friend will have your back in a fight.  A best friend will already have the body-bag unzipped for the fucktard that pissed you off. This is what real friends do for you….they don’t turn around and hang out with the fucktard behind your back…..some of my “friends” on FB I can’t say the same about.

Reason #25:  A few years ago, the average person was exposed to 2,000 advertising messages per day.  That number has increased to 5,000 – not only do companies bombard you with advertisements, but now your friends do as well, posting TMI thoughts like they just took a dump and wiped their ass with red toilet paper. (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.)

Reason #26: “Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are always perfect, liars believe their own bullshit, and the world shows off they are living a great life!”  In reality, your enemies are the ones who visit your profile the most, your friends and family block you, and even though you write what you are really thinking, there is always someone who takes it the wrong way.

Reason #27: I am tired of seeing people repost the Dalai Lama quote about what surprises him the most.  Really?  Must they?  Furthermore, these same people do not even come remotely close to following through on their actions to insure they live by this quote.  It makes me want to spit tar and kick them in the shins.

Reason #28: So that I don’t have to gag over bullshit over the top narcissistic yoga love fest posts that lack substance and meaning.

Reason #29:  I don’t really need a reason, nor do I need to justify my choices.  If you have to ask why, or talk about me behind my back, then maybe we weren’t really “friends” to begin with.

Reason #30: Out of sight, out of mind (Europeans often joke that Americans are notorious for saying they will show up, call, email, stay in touch, etc. and do not follow through on the commitment…..I believe they are right, but you can try to prove me wrong if you like….)

Aaaaannnnddd….I’m out!