Turno Numero Due!

Originally, the rough sketch of my travel route included a stop in Vienna and then Bern after my quick stay in Venice.  However, seeing as how I am getting really honest with myself on this little excursion (and consequently you, or sometimes TMI, who knows), I had to tell myself that I really don’t care about Austria or Switzerland.  They were never countries that I have by “dying” to see.  Don’t ask me why, but I think it has to do with the fact that it snows there and we all know how I feel about snow – not my idea of a vacation.  Thus, I scratched them from my list and opted to return to Firenze for the next week or so before I meet a dear friend in Paris.  I loved the food, the people, the sights, so why not feed the soul with those good things?!

Of course, knowing that God has a sick sense of humor (after all he made me), he just had to throw a little challenge my way upon my return.  Thus, I was flung into the middle of a bustling city center of Italians who had converged onto Florence for the last 3-day weekend of the year (well before they get time off for good behavior at Christmas!).  It is busier here now than it was a few weeks ago during peak tourist travel season.  And it is busy with Italians who are, despite the fact that I do love them dearly, pushy, overbearing a-holes.  I have rid myself of any pleasantries I previously had and am in full survival mode just to push my way through the crowds of people – otherwise, they and their 27 bags of shit they bought that they don’t need and can’t afford, will run me down!  I will be Firenze Area Pedestronale Road Kill – with an Armani brand on my ass from some woman with really great shoes who stepped on me while I tried to get back up.

I finally decided to duck into Ristaurante Il Posta for lunch simply because it was away from the crowds.  GAWD they know how to make damn good food here!  I had a lovely shrimp appetizer with special sauce, lettuce and cheese, then spaghetti with clams and hot peppers, with a bit of decadent Tiramisu covered in shaved chocolate for dessert.


Oh – and if you are keeping track of by the photos below, yes the wine is gone (it is 2pm and I am tipsy…. wheeeee)!

With food in my belly and wine in my veins, I was one happy camper and opted to go visit the Uffizi Museum now that I had calmed my crab-ass down a bit.  This state lasted all of 5 minutes, when some buffoon decided he was going to try to cut in front of me in line which I was having none of his games.  I yelled at him, then turned around a yelled at the guy standing behind me who was so close  to crawling up my ass I could feel his nose hairs tickle the back of my neck and he labored to breathe in and out after years of smoking 3 packs a day (dude get a breath mint, too – gross!)  I stepped up the counter to ask for one ticket and the woman congratulated me for my tenacity (oh lady, you have no idea about tenacity….)

Inside the museum, I discovered several pieces of art by Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Bellini, Trintetto, and more.  Again, props go to the Medici’s for another fin personal collection of art that had been collected by many generations during their reign in Tuscany. My favorite piece in the museum is the Birth of Venus by Botticelli and when yet another woman leaned too far in to touch the painting and set off the alarm – I am certain she was French.  There was a new collection of work from Francesco Celmente displaying 78 Tarot Cards, complimented with the Self-Portraits of the 12 Apostles (I am not sure how they are a compliment to tarot cards, but that is what the artist wanted, so that is what the artist got – even if the artist doesn’t have common sense or taste, it must MEAN something!).

The family also had gathered many Roman sculptures of Julius Caesar and many others dating back to 100 BC.  All I have to say is not only am I sick of seeing 42 paintings a day of Madonna with alien looking Child, but I am done with looking at uncircumcised penises too!  Did Roman men not wear clothing?!  Naked soldiers carrying swords and shields does not scream “Honey, I am going to war”, it screams “Honey, I am off to make some bad porn!”  (Not that there really is any “good” porn, mind you – just varying degrees of bad)

Maybe the time has come for me to admit that I need to take a break from museums and just enjoy the gorgeous fall weather (until I get to Paris, because you know I can’t refuse seeing the Louvre)!



Comments are closed.