Celebrating Being An Obnoxious American!

It is amazing to me how fast time flies when you are wallowing in your own shit.  I am working on a post today about a recent trip to Denver – recent, as in SIX weeks ago.  I guess I got a little side tracked hunting down Pimp-Mobiles my bad……

I wanted to give a shout out to Heather and Travis for letting me stay at their cute little place and for allowing me the luxury of using their car while I was there, which gave me the freedom to visit all you fine m*ther f**kers out there.  I am grateful to have been able to celebrate not one, but two new marriages among friends – although my therapist did point out that I was nuts for doing so…exact words, “so you went back to the scene of the accident and watched people get hitched?!  You like to ask alot of yourself don’t you?”  I told her, “well, I love my friends, what are you gonna do?” And then she continued making my martini.

As I sat and sipped on the wonderful cucumber and lemon vodka sugary goodness she concocted, I reflected on my visit with appreciation of how many of you are near and dear to my heart and how much I miss the s**t out of you guys these days!

Good to know that if I ever get arrested in Denver, I can make a collect call to any one of your cell phones to come bail me out – so glad that our local Law Enforcement system has joined the 21st Century, now if we could go back to the good ol’ days of actually having to remember phone numbers, then I would be able to ring one of you up.  But, alas, I can only remember how to search for your NAME in my phone, thus you can exhale a big sigh of relief……(and no, I didn’t tag the damn bench)

Now that I am older, I have learned that if we have had one too many martinis together, I will just pass out on your front porch (like this douche trying to make his good first impression upon meeting me at Jazz in the Park, big thumbs up on that one, dude….) instead of getting a DUI – that would be no bueno (isn’t my Spanish coming along nicely?)

If, however, you see me out on the dance floor with this woman who was indeed going to celebrate the 4th whether any of the rest of you bastards want to join her or not – do take me home immediately, throw me in an ice cold shower, and put me to bed!

This reminds me why I rarely go to Elway’s and why I do not want to be of Cougar age, any more, ever…..