The bugs are getting to me!

Hola!  ¿Qué pasa?  The gardener and I have been working on my Spanish, aren’t you proud? I am also getting quite a tan – I finally look like I may know what the hell I am doing down here, even as I walk around aimlessly through the jungle. I have had several of the tourists ask me if I speak English (some days yes, other days I only speak Profanities).  Profanities is being spoken more often during these hot days after the rains when the assortment of bugs I don’t even have names for come creeping into the house.  I have taken to calling them all a-holes – the whole lot of them.  Oh and Fat Boy Iguana is not pulling his weight.  He just sits and suns himself in the yard rather than eating the bugs.  I think he decided to go on a diet.  I am not sure why he picked the rainy season to go his diet instead of the dry season……he is an a-hole too.

Since Fat Boy is on strike, I have had to layer up with Napalm so as to only get two or three mosquito bites when I leave the house.  I did have to giggle to myself as I was walking down the beach, scratching yet another mosquito bite on my ass.  I realized Lance and CPY are like the mosquitoes that bit my life in the butt and the more I scratch at it the longer it is just going to keep pestering me – I may have hit a new low for level of sanity, as I am comparing my life to a bug bite.

There was a nice older gentleman who asked me where the ATM was located in Playa Guiones last week as well.  I was able to direct him to el Banco.  Ironically, at the time he asked, I was searching for the damn farmer’s market for the past 45 minutes.  Eventually, I gave into my softer, feminine side and asked one of the locals for directions and he said, “No Se”

I gave up and went to the super for groceries instead.

While walking back from the market, I looked up and saw someone wearing bikini bottoms, but no top.  My first thought was, “When did Playa Guiones turn into a topless beach?”  My second thought was (as the person was much older and I could only see their back) – “Ew I don’t want to see saggy old woman boobs when she turns around.”  And then it dawned on me…..she was a HE!  The old man was wearing a speed-o!  GROSS, gross, groSS!  I will spare you all the picture of that one, which would also imply that I took a picture and I did NOT.

I seem to have the luck of always living next to the oddball neighbor.  The house next door has a squatter living there. Usually, he sneaks into the house at around 7pm, after the sun has gone down, and is out of the house before 6am when the sun comes up.  I found this out one morning as I was running around outside in my underwear this morning outside at 5:30am to get pictures of the howler monkeys!

It finally dawned on me why I seem to always run into the weirdest people (or rather they find me) – something that I previously believed to be karma I was burning off from a former life – has actually been a blessing in disguise.  I mean – what else would I have to blog about?!

Buenos Tardes!